It's been a while....

Time has flown by so fast, and I'm just getting around to updating my blog now!!!

Lot's of things going in the world of the Diva..

She turned 3 months old!!! Everyone tells you have fast time flies, and I'd be like thinking yeah okay, but seriously.. it really does!!! 3 months feels like yesterday even though the first month of her life is a complete blur to me. I was literally a walking robot!!! She giggles all the time now!!! I have a video of it, but I have no idea how to post it on here!!! If I knew I would.

She's her mother's child because she loves to sleep!!! She started sleeping though the night at about 2 months old, and I even had a 10 hour stretch last week. I checked her a thousand times when I woke up because 10 hours is the longest she's ever gone so I worried that she was in a coma!!! She cat naps during the day and takes a longer nap in the late afternoon.

I went back to work 2 weeks ago! It was hard. The Sunday before I was definitely a disaster area!!! I was just so worried that she was going to cry the whole day because she didn't know where she was, and all I kept picturing was her crying like she just wanted her mom. But she did so good!!! It's nice to be back at work in a way. I like having a break, and talking to adults. Even if my break is being at work, it's nice to put on some real clothes and feel human again. Sitting home all day every day can take its toll even when caring for a baby. The second day was harder because I realized how much I didn't get to see her. Because she takes a long afternoon nap she's always sleeping when I get in from work. My mom picks her up from the sitters so she is already home and snoozing. It got easier to leave her as the days went on. She likes to watch the kids running around during the day and every morning I say to her "Are you going to go see your friends." These are kids she'll grow up with for the next couple of years and I'm excited that she'll have little friends.

Yesterday was Jennifer's bridal shower!!! It was Avery's first time attending one. I wish I had taken a picture of her outfit cause she looked super cute, so I'm hoping I get one e-mailed to me!!! The shower went great. I'm lucky enough to be her Maid of Honor, and I've labeled Avery her mini flower girl. Well she can't walk down the aisle or anything, but I am going to get her a cute frilly dress to wear so she can get a picture of her and Aunt Jen taken. I can't even believe that her wedding is just around the corner. I feel like we're both still 15, listening to no doubt with glitter eye shadow on!!! I'm so excited and so happy for her!!!! And now that I have a kid, I can't wait for her to have one too!!!! So get on that Jen!!!!

And a picture of her in her first day at the sitters outfit :o)

Motherhood needs directions...

In the 10 weeks that the Diva has been born I have learned thing about babies, about myself and about being a mother and wonder why they never tell you these things:





I'm going to use bullets because I have a new found love for them...

• Why wasn't I aware that holding a baby takes a toll on your body. I suddenly feel like I have aged 10 years in 10 weeks. My knees hurt from trying to bend while making sure I'm not going to drop the little one. I feel like the arch in my back is 10 times more arched. (apparently 10 is the lucky number in this bullet.)


• How come no one tells you that you can see your baby's pulse through their soft spot!!! I nearly had a heart attack when I noticed this. I quickly googled and found it out that it was completely normal. Every mother that I have mentioned this to all knew about it. HELLO!!! why did no one tell me!


• No one told me that there was a chance that my daughter would HATE the carseat.. like seriously hate it. It causes me such anxiety that I hardly take her out! I took her to the mall this past weekend, and it was a disaster. She cried the way there, cried in the mall, cried the way home. I think she has some social anxiety. She also gets very still or goes to sleep, when my family is over. Yes it's loud for me to. 4 boys running amuck is not fun, but I can deal with it. Avery doesn't seem to like it very much.


• No one told me that I'd think her "social anxiety" is my fault because since it's Winter I haven't been able to take her out much.


• I never in my life thought I'd be happy to have a poop filled diaper. Seriously. I have stomach issues and was praying that they didn't get passed down. So far so good!


• I never thought that the fact that I will be leaving her with a sitter would devastate me. And I haven't even returned to work yet. I've cried every day this week. I go back to work on the 16th of this month. I'm not worried about her being taken care of. I worry about what if she cries all day because it's an unfamilar place (see bullet about social anxiety). I worry that she won't nap for them. Ugh, there's too much to write for this bullet. I hope you get the idea.


• I never thought I'd be one of those Mom's who thought thier kid was the cutest ever.. but serioulsy I have the cutest kid ever!!!


• I never realized that EVERYTHING comes second to taking care of my baby. (Priorities)


• No one told me I'd check on the baby a thousand times before I fall asleep!! No lie, 1000!


• I had no idea that her smiles would literally melt my heart and bring tears to my eyes! Even after having a day where she decides she is going to be a DIVA all day long, and then have her give me the biggest cheesiest grin she can show makes me forgot the fact that my back and my knees are killing me :o)

Here's a picture of us doing what we do best...

2 months old..

The Diva is already 2 months old!! I can't believe how fast time has flown by. It's really amazing to be watching her grow and thrive, and having that let me know I'm doing a good job. She's smiling like crazy, and yesterday I even got a giggle out her. It only happened once, but it was the sweetest little laugh I've ever heard, and I know it means that more giggles will be making thier way out of her and I can't wait to hear them! She recently found out that she has a hand. She makes a fist and stares out it till she goes crossed eye'd. Wait till she finds out that she actually has 2 hands!!! She HATES the carseat. I have anxiety over it. I hardly take her out because she screams as soon as I put her in it. I take her to my aunts house which is literally 45 seconds away from me. Or I'll take her to brian and dana's because they live about 10 seconds away from me. I'm going to take her for a short ride each day to try and get her used to it. I started today and we went to dunkin donuts. Maybe 3 minutes, with red lights, and she screamed. I thought babies like the car ride.

I thought it would make me a bad mother if I said I couldn't wait to go back to work. And believe me, I'm not rushing that.. I still have 3 and half weeks left... but sometimes it's tough, especially going at this "alone". I use alone in quotes because while I may be labeled as a single mother, I definitely get help from my mom and I thank God for her everyday. I'm literally with the baby 24 hours a day, and I know that it's a mothers job, but it's draining some days. I run out of things to say to the baby, as crazy as it sound. I can only sing so many songs. So I'm glad when my mother comes home from work and takes over for a little bit so I can take a breather. I also think that Avery gets sick of me as well, and is excited when her grandmother comes home to play with her. We all sometimes just need a change of scenery for a little bit at least. I'm not in the least bit excited to have to leave Avery every day when I go to work. Thinking about it now makes me choke up. I'm leaving her with an aunt who along with her sister who babysit out of her sisters house. I'm not worried at all about her being taken care of, but I worry that when I leave her she'll cry because she doesn't know them. I worry about how well she'll nap for them. And I'm worried that she'll cry all day for the first few days that she's there. See, thinking about it really does choke me up because I just shed a tear. But while I'm sad to leave her, I'm kind of excited to start a routine for us. It's nice being home, but there's only so much I can do with her. And while she's there she'll have little friends. There are 2 little ones who are 9 months old, a 2 yr old, 2 kindergarteners, and then a 1st grader who comes after school. She'll be the baby there, and my Aunt told me the older girls are really excited to have her come there so they can get the bottles ready for her when she needs to eat, and they can hand my aunt the diapers when she needs to be changed. I think it's good that she'll be around other kids. I'm also looking forward to having some adult conversation in my life. I love my co-workers, so even though I'm at work, it'll be socialization as well. I'm excited to put on actual clothes since I've been living in sweats and pj's since I started Maternity Leave. And of course the reason why we all work...money. And I need that money so that not only can I provide her with lifes neccessities, but so that when she gets older I can do all the fun things that I don't want her to miss out on. Going to see Disney on Ice, or take her to Sesame Place, and I can't wait to take her to DisneyWorld. I'm going to be one of those Mom's that is more excited then her kid to see Minnie & Mickey.

Tomorrow I take her to the drs for her 2 month check up. I'm excited to see how much she's grown. She was born at 6 lbs 9oz and left the hospital at 6 lbs 4 oz. At her 10 day check up she was 7 lbs 2 oz and at her 1 month appointment she was 9lbs even. She's gotta be at least 11 lbs because I feel like she's a monster. On the downside, she's getting 2 shots. Normally at 2 months they get 4, and even though there is no link to Autism from vaccinations, I'd really prefer to not take any chances. Besides 4 shots is quite alot of shit to pumping into thier little bodies. So with her screaming due to the hatred of the evil carseat combined with 2 shots, I'm sure it'll be an eventful trip.

I guess that's enough rambling...

Check out the Diva on her new playmat.

February 10th.

Happy Birthday to some of my favorite Twins!!

Brian and Dana (the blonde)

Priorities...

Becoming a Mom has totally changed my priorites...( I for the life of me, can't tell if I'm spelling that correctly... stupid brain)... anyways...

3 of the most important things in life are:

• peeing


• eating


• sleeping

All seem pretty simple right? Well not when you have a kid. Most people pee the first thing when they wake up. Since I now wake to a baby who is hungry and crying, I must pick her up first, warm her bottle and feed her. This process could take about 35 minutes depending on if she wants to play with the bottle or eat it. 35 minutes may not seem like a long time, but when you've been sleeping a couple hours and have to hold it, it's an eternity.

Stomach growling seems to be a normal part of my day now. If the baby is sleeping, and my stomach is growling what do I do? Do I eat, or do I sleep. Of course once she's down, I finally can use the bathroom without her demanding my attention. Sleep usually takes the cake over eating. But when it doesn't and I have to hold the Diva while she's sleeping because she'd rather sleep in my arms, I've become a master of one handed eating. I'm not making 3 course lunches, but my daily diet now consists of, Cup-O-Noodles, a Hot Pocket, or a bowl of Lucky Charms or Cherrios. All things I can "cook" with one hand, thanks to the microwave. Thank God for my Mom who'll make dinner and I get at least 1 decent meal a day, which more often then not I'm eating with one hand. I'm getting to be such a pro. One thing I'm looking forward to about going back to work is that I'll be back to eating 3 meals a day. Woot Woot.

My posts are always so all over the place... kind of like me...

Ohh.. Aves Valentines Day outfit and shoes came. I'm excited about that. I'd really like to take her to get her pictures taken, but I don't want to go there and have her sleep the whole time. I'm not paying at least a hundred bucks to have a professional picture of her sleeping. I'll take those my self.

And here's a picture.. the cutest feet I've ever seen. And I'm not even kidding they are seriously the softest things I have ever felt in my life.. I rub them on my face at least 10 times a day. Not kidding.

Family Leave

So according to my jobs maternity leave guidelines, you are eligible for 6 weeks paid leave through state disability, after the birth of the baby. Well my 6 weeks was up on Friday. I can not imagine having to leave the baby with her being so little. I'm not even 100% comfortable being a Mom yet. I mean I take care of her, and the fact that she's growing and thriving means I'm doing a good job, but I don't know how to do everything. I have yet to take her to the store with me because I don't know how I'm supposed to get a cart and put her seat in the cart. Because I'm worried that if I get a defective cart, which I know would happen, then I have to switch her carrier from one cart to the other, all while praying she doesn't start crying. I don't know how I'd go to work after a night like last night, when Avery decided she was going to wake up at 2am, 4am, and 6am. I'm so thankful that I am in the position that I'm in, that I am able to take Family Leave. You can put in for up to 12 weeks leave of absence. The down side is that it's all unpaid. I put in for 6 weeks because. I feel so much better knowing that I won't be going back to work till she is almost 3 months. I feel like I'll have things more under control and will know how to venture out with her.

On to other things....

I ordered this super cute Valentines day dress for her, as well as some really cute red sparkly shoes from The Children's Place. With all my nephews it has been one of my favorite places to shop for clothes for them because they have really cute things and for really good prices. I'm just a little annoyed because due to high orders items have been delayed 5-7 days for shipping. I was hoping to get them before Valentines Day because I wanted to go have her pictures taken. I guess if they aren't here I'll just have to buy her something else ;o)

And a cute new picture of the little diva to end my post..

6 weeks 1 day

I'm busy being a Mom. Part 2.

December 19, 2008

I arrived at the hospital a little after midnight, and had to get checked in through the emergency room. My mother works at the hospital so naturally she was stopped by everyone to talk to her. I felt the 2 women in Admitting were moving so slow. I don't know if it was because I was in pain every 10 minutes or if they were just really slow. Of course they both knew my mother as well so they were catching up on God knows what. Finally someone comes down with a wheel chair to take me up to labor and delivery and I don't want to be wheeled up becuase I think it's embarassing, I'd rather walk. But no such luck. I had to be wheeled. The girl who was in charge of getting me to the right place happened to go to school with my older brother so she was talking to me but at this point I couldn't talk through my contractions, and was annoyed at the fact that she wouldn't just be quiet.. but I didn't say anything. They take me to the labor room and hook me up to all sorts of monitors, and an IV. They were going to check to see how far I have dilated. I was waiting for them to tell me I was 1 cm and send me back home, which at this point I was dreading. Good news. I was 4. I was happy with this because my plan was to try and stay at home as long as possible because heading to the hospital for the fear of being sent home. Once we knew I was staying my mother texted my sister that she can come up. She lives about 20 minutes away but I swear it felt like she was there in 5 minutes. All the sudden time felt like it was flying by. I was unhooked from the monitors and was told that I could walk around the halls. Well you think they'd make it more interesting as you're walking around the small little hallways. Maybe put some TV's up there or something. The nurse found it strange that I put my underwear back on to walk around, but at this point, I hadn't yet been exposed for the world to see, there was no way I was walking around with my ass hanging out of the back of the paper thin hospital gown. They didn't even offer me another one to put around me. What the hell was up with that? I was checked again at 3:30 am and was still at 4 cm. I asked for the epidural and got it around 4:30 am. I loved the anestesiologist (i know that's spelled wrong). He was so nice and really friendly. I was really scared about getting the epidural because I thought that I'd flinch when he put it in my back and I'd become paralized. Obviously that didn't happen. I was prepared for the epidural to kick in and for me to actually feel like I was paralyzed. But it actually wasn't like that. It took the edge off of the pain, but I still felt the pressure of the contractions and it wasn't like a dull pressure it was like something I"ve never felt before. I just tried to think of something to compare it too, but I couldn't. My legs and my belly felt like mush, and it felt like your mouth does when you've been given novacain at the dentist. Shortly after the epidural my water broke. It was such a strange feeling. It literally felt like a water balloon that was filled with warm water broke. I started to freak out a little bit because when my mother was in labor with my head came out with with the water. I was secretly hoping that would happen with me so I didn't have to push, but that did not happen. I was checked again and had made it to 6 cm. Progressing quite nicely for my first baby. My doctor finally arrived at 6 am and when she checked me I was already at 9 cm, and the baby's head was all the way down. The dr got into what looked like one of those biohazard suits and I was ready to push. My mother was on the right side holding my leg back, and my sister was on the left. I'll spare you all the 'gross' details. But what I found to be annoying was everyone kept saying oh the head is right there, the head is right there, and I'm wondering where the hell is this head because it feels like the head is no where near being out. They could see the head, and all her hair. At one point the dr pretended to be a hair dresser and took her fingers and pulled up a little bit of hair and pretended to be cut. I didn't think it was funny at the time, but found it to be hysterical days later. The strangest thing I thought was that they were saying her head was "right there" but I still felt her feet all the way up by my ribs. I guess she was straightening out. I pushed for about 40 minutes. I was on a mission to get her out, and was told I was an excellent pusher. Woot Woot. I'll spare you all the gross details but at 7:22 am. Almost exactly 24 hours from having my very first contraction Avery Noelle perfectly entered this world.

Avery's very first picture. Only minutes old.

I'm busy being a Mom..

Phew.. so it's been a while since I've posted, and I had tried to write a few times, but I get interrupted now by the cutest little girl... I wanted to post the story of my labor because as time goes on I'm slowly forgetting details and remembering random things, so I wanted to get it down, so I can save it and one day show the little diva. I'm gonna try this while she's sleeping in her swing, but I have a feeling she'll be waking shortly.

Wednesday 12/17/08

After a disapointing drs appointment the day before I was convinced that labor was never going to happen, and I'd have to be induced after my due date. I carried on the day like normal but had a hard time falling asleep that night before the baby was moving around like no ones business. Something she hadn't done in a while due to the fact that she was running out of room. I had finally fallen asleep at about 3 am.

Thursday 12/18/08

I woke up around 6:30 am to go to the bathroom, something that had become a normal part of my sleeping patterns, and my mother asked me if I was okay. I was I just had to pee. I laid back down and heard my mother leave for work. I didn't fall right back to sleep and at about 7 am I felt this shooting pain across the lower part of my back. I was like wow, that was strange, but didn't really think anything of it thinking that I had slept wrong, but it still felt odd to me. I couldn't fall back to sleep and it happened again, and continued happening about twice an hour. I started to get really nervous but didn't want to call my mom, or my sister because I didn't want them to worry over nothing. I was freaking out. I texted my friend Jennie who just had a baby in August to ask her what she thought. She said it might be back labor, which I had been convinced all along which was what I was going to have. I called my doctor who said that even if it was contractions they weren't regular till they were 5 minutes apart and to call back if that happens. That night me and Jen were going to go out to eat and get some Crab Legs. I sent her a text telling her about the pains I was having and that I didn't want to go out but that we could get take out. She came over around 5:30 and we ate some banging crab legs!! All the while still having these pains in my back at least 1 every 25 minutes.. still unsure if they were even contractions, but I had noticed that every time my back hurt, my belly would get super tight and hard. And they were definitely hurting more than then were in the morning. I carried on the rest of the night with the pains continuing not sure of what I should do. I watched Grey's, and thank God it was a repeat because by this point the pains in my back were coming closer together, but would rotate from hurting to not so bad. I kept googling "back labor" throughout the day and everything that came up, I thought could have been what I was having, but it really didn't pin point it, or maybe it was just that I was nervous and in pain that I wasn't able to grasp what I was reading. At about 11:oo I had one pain that literally made me bend over in pain, and I thought okay, these are definitely contractions, which I guess I always knew they were but I've never had them before so I was all types of confused. I texted my sister to tell her what was going on, and she asked me if I had been timing them, which I hadn't. We texted back and forth for a few minutes and I used those to time when I was having a contraction, and it was about every ten minutes. I woke my mom up to tell her I was just going to call the dr to see what she says. I called the drs answering service at about 11:30 pm and waited for her to call me back. I still have her call back locked in my "recieved calls" section. She called back at 11:39 pm. She asked me what was going on... and told me to go to the hospital and they would call her when they needed to. I started panicking a little bit but was not convinced I was in labor. I don't know if it was fear, or disbelief that I was actually going into labor....

To be continued....

I'm gonna stop this here... I can't copy this to save it and I've typed so much that I don't want to lose it. So I'll try to post the rest soon.